Hey guys, Tallus here.
Let me say upfront that this isn’t a post I enjoy writing. And honestly, it’s not one I thought I’d ever have to. But as a facilitator, maintaining standards for proper wormship is kinda my job. Even if that means having uncomfortable conversations.
So let’s just get it out in the open: I know some of you aren’t eating your worms.
Let me take you back to 2013. Imagine Dragons had just released Night Visions, and the world wasn’t ready for that kinda voltage.
Smack dab in the middle of that moment was me, a 19-year-old kid hopelessly trailing the Dragons from city to city, just barely arriving in time to hear their encore from the parking lot. Sleeping under overpasses. Living off discarded nacho trays.
I was lost.
When an SSW facilitator discovered me spooning a controversial war monument for warmth in Nebraska, my life took a complete 180.
Suddenly, I had community. Hope. A ground pad to sleep on, and a revolutionary diet that not only connected me with the Sky Worm’s grace, but nourished my body in a really cool new way.
Here’s my point: eating worms is more than just a mandate to me. It’s the practice from which I was born anew, and the wormship that shall deliver me unto the Hyperburrow.
But for some initiates, the Hyperburrow may as well be a fictional place made up by some kooky megalomaniac. Because the rules are pretty freaking simple:
NO WORM EATING = NO SALVATION.
Look, us facilitators aren’t idiots. If you think you can fake gulping a whole juicy earthworm by tossing it to the side at the last moment, think again.
And to those of you trying to trick us by swapping out earthworms for gummy worms, you are the most heinous of all. Moving forward, if we find a bag of gummy worms on SSW premises, we will BURN IT AND STOMP IT AND SCREAM AT YOUR FACE!!
Whether or not you’re guilty of this heresy, we should all use this moment as an opportunity to reflect on how our actions define us. Are you a worm denier, or a believer?
Consider this passage from Imagine Dragons’ hit single “Believer”:
“First things first
I’ma say all the words inside my head
I’m fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh-ooh
The way that things have been, oh-ooh”
Sometimes ID lyrics are so spot-on it’s scary. These words are literally exactly how I feel right now. On the inside I’m so mad at you stupid fuckers, but at the same time, I’m undeniably a believer.
Ok, cooling down now.
I hope this message reaches those of you that need it. Because if not, you’ve got another thing coming on Ascension day. Here’s a lyric video for Believer: